


A New Ocean

by dfbytc



Series: [RE]Chroma [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Awkward Conversations, M/M, Past Character Death, death and its aftermath, mention of death and suicide, wingman hakyeon (?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 17:12:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16123070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dfbytc/pseuds/dfbytc
Summary: Their encounter is a source of fear for Wonshik.He needs to see Taekwoon to find peace.





	A New Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> In this there are glimpses of Wonshik’s past with the partner he lost. I’m not putting the pairing in the tags because I don’t want it to be misleading, but it’s another VIXX member. Just be warned if you don’t like reading this kind of fics. (There is nothing graphic in this fic btw!)

  
He should water the sole cactus on the dining table, Wonshik thinks, but doesn’t stir. He sits in his living room on the sofa, holds his phone is his hand. He just made an appointment with his psychiatrist.

Prior to that, he made a call to his psychologist.

 

It’s become a good routine.

 

Through the blinds light breaks in, trying to reach him but he sits too far away.

 

He leans back into his seat.

 

It’s been 5 months since… Since _this happened_.

 

And

 

almost a year after he lost _him_.

 

He presses the home button of his phone and the familiar smile appears. Dimples and brown eyes greet him, and the sun seems like an insignificant star next to him. His brown hair turns a little red in the light that shines on him.

_‘Shik! Cute-shik! Wow-shik!’_

 

It’s still there. His voice a constant ghost in his head, but it’s welcome.

It still feels like Wonshik will hear his keys any moment now, and then the door will open.

 

_‘Haha, your face!’_

He will enter wearing his worn-down black shoes that look grey and huff, make an over-exaggerated face and tell him how happy he is to be finally home. He will lean down and kiss him, bite him if he feels cheeky, then grin at him.

 

_‘I love teasing you.’_

 

He locks the screen and kisses it.

 

“I miss you.”

 

He stuffs it into his pocket.

 

 

-

 

 

As creeped out as Wonshik was, he can’t forget _him_.

 

Taekwoon.

 

They looked the same.

He looked just like _them_.

 

But their face is a black blur, like someone dripped ink over his memory.

It’s troubling him to a great extent, he hasn’t even told his psychologist.

 

_‘I think I met God when I was gone.’_

 

Even thinking of the encounter is a black mass of chaos, like snowstorm on an old tv, but there is no sound. He still sees the silhouette, the long limbs, the black hair. He still feels the warm black broth surrounding his ankles.

 

_‘I met God and they touched me.’_

But when he tries to remember the details, it’s like the program crashes and Taekwoon’s face appears instead. He sees the man putting on glasses to read something on a chart, the blue glove he wore on only one of his hands, his white attire. His black hair that was longer that Bean’s ever was, and he looked very concerned when Wonshik almost stopped breathing out of fear.

Wonshik _has_ to see him again, even if it’s only to validify that this person has nothing to do with them. He is sure that in truth, Taekwoon looks actually very different from them, that it’s just his mind fooling him. Wonshik wants peace of mind, and as calm and composed the medication keeps him, the thought of Taekwoon, no, _them_ , makes him want to crawl up the walls.

 

_‘I’ve been scared ever since.’_

He was never into the supernatural, but he is quite religious he would say. Or was. He doesn’t know. What he experienced has shaken him to the core, makes his hair stand on end.

The thought of finding Taekwoon and leaving all of this mess behind, being able to live like ‘before’…

Before.

 _There would never be the ‘before’ again_.

But Wonshik wants to know that he is not going mad.

He wants to give it a try.

 

-

 

He stands right before the hospital’s main building, and picks a cigarette out of the box. He had promised Hongbin to quit it, and he has kept his promise until now.

He looks at the forgotten pack of cigarettes he had fished out of an abandoned rucksack. He took it with him in the morning because he _knew_ he’d want something to keep himself occupied with.

 

When he inhales for the first time after almost two years, he anticipates his chest to protest, but no such thing happens. The smoke fills his lungs and it feels familiar, like an old friend coming home. But the cigarette’s taste is… stale? It has lost all the aroma. Wonshik doesn’t even feel disappointed.

 

_‘What is this, Shik-ah? You pinkie-promised!’_

Wonshik smirks.

 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

  
  
He doesn’t inhale a second time and lets the cigarette fall to the ground, steps on it to put it out.

 

-

 

“How may I help you?”  
  
The woman sitting behind the counter asks him kindly, and Wonshik tries to recall the short essay he had laid out in his head.

“My name is, uhm, Kim Wonshik. And, I, uhm-” Wonshik suddenly doesn’t know how to phrase it. “I had been hospitalized a few months ago.”  
  
The woman watches him and waits for him to continue, but then she sees him hesitating and asks him instead.

“Yes? Do you need any information concerning your stay?”  
  
“Yes, I mean, no.” Why the hell is he so nervous?  
  
“I mean, I… There was… One paramedic in the ambulance bringing me here. He… His name was Taekwoon? I, uhm, I wanted to speak to him if it’s possible. I-I wanted to thank him. Does he work today?”  
  
The woman looks at him, musters his face.

“Do you have his surname?”  
  
“No,” Wonshik admits, “but I can describe him!”

The woman exhales a little annoyed but stays polite.  
  
“Do you want to leave him a message?”  
  
“I would like to speak to him personally if possible.” Wonshik hopes this doesn’t sound too odd.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you then.”  
  
“Why not?” Wonshik asks concerned.

 “I cannot give out personal information concerning our staff. If you want, you can leave a message behind and I’d gladly give it to him. Then he decides what to do with it.”  
  
“Oh.” Well, the woman has a point. He wouldn’t want anyone from his company give out personal information to an obvious stranger.

“Ok, I… I’ll think about it. Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome.”

 

-

 

This is fate probably telling him stop with this non-sense, but he is determined. He will return tomorrow, with a proper letter. He doesn’t know what he wants to tell Taekwoon exactly, but he will come up with something. Maybe this is even better, as he can carefully phrase it and not make an idiot out of himself, stumbling over his own words.

‘Hello, this is Kim Wonshik. You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you. Your face reminds me of my death experience and I want to meet you to overcome my phobia.’  
  
Sounds great. Taekwoon surely will agree on meeting up with him.  
  
Wonshik huffs. Damn security restrictions.  
 

“Excuse me,” suddenly someone is shouting from behind him.

  
  
Wonshik stops a few meters away from the grand entrance, and suddenly the streetlights go on as on command.

A man who looks a little older than himself approaches him, waves at him. He has black hair that falls in his eyes, and he smiles at him fondly. In the streetlights his warm skin looks golden. He wears clothing similar to Taekwoon’s (?) but then again it’s a little different.

Just as Wonshik wants to ask him if he was calling out to him, the man grabs his arm gently and raises it, pushes his sleeve back, exposes his tattoo.

“Uhm…”

A wider smile spreads on the other man’s face and he hooks his pointing finger on Wonshik’s collar and pulls it down, revealing Wonshik’s other tattoo on his collarbone.

“Hey! Stop-“ Wonshik pulls away, readjusts his black shirt.  
  
“Your name is Kim Wonshik, isn’t it?”  
  
Wonshik stares at him at a loss of words, and nods.

“Woonie works tomorrow.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Taekwoon.”

Oh.

 

 _Oh_.

 

The man grins at him. Wonshik wonders how he can be so lucky for once.

“When?”  
  
“His shift starts at 6 pm.”  
  
“Ok…”

So, no letter. Wonshik might as well be experiencing whiplash right now.  
  
“Wonshik- I hope _Wonshik_ is alright with you?”  
  
“Uhm, I guess.”  
  
“Ok so, Wonshik. You’ll need to come from the other side tomorrow. See, there is the emergency exit where ambulances come and go. There is a path that leads you there from the street, and it’s for pedestrians, so you don’t need to worry.”  
  
“And I’ll be able to access just like that?”  
  
“I’ll be there too. Give me your phone-number. Or, I’ll give you mine.”  
  
Wonhsik hesitates. This is a lot of information at once, and this person acts a little too familiar for his taste.

“Ah, where are my manners…” the other man covers his face with his hand, revealing his ever smiling face shortly after again, “My name is Hakyeon. Taekwoon is my friend, and I’d like to help you.”

Wonshik regards him for a moment, but then pulls out his phone, hands it over to Hakyeon. The later takes it happily, types in his number. Hakyeon’s clarification should shine more light on the situation, but Wonshik doesn’t quite understand yet.

“Why… Why do you want to help me? And how do you know my _name_? Did you eavesdrop earlier?”  
  
Hakyeon hands him his phone back, giggles.

“Hm lets say… I have my _motives_. And also,” Hakyeon pauses, “Taekwoon has told me about you.”  
  
Wonshik surely has a dumb expression on his face because Hakyeon downright starts laughing, and Wonshik doesn’t know if he should be happy or concerned.

“He… He did? What did he say?”

“Nothing much.”

Wonshik frowns.  
  
“Now you are making fun of me.”  
  
“Haha, I’m sorry, that’s not my intention. What I mean is… come tomorrow, and maybe talk to _him_ instead of _me_ if you really want to know. I’ll even leave you two alone.”  
  
Hakyeon winks, and Wonshik realises he got this totally the wrong way.  
  
“Oh, no, _no_ , this is _not_ what it looks like!”  
  
“Sure.” Hakyoen winks a second time. He leaves Wonshik standing and turns on his heel to return to the hospital.

  
Wonshik just stares after Hakyeon. This is Taekwoon’s friend?

 

When he finally looks down on his phone and unlocks it, he sees Hakyeon indeed saved his number. But instead of his name, he used a heart emoji.

  
O…k?

 

-

 

Wonshik shows up, but not before searching the exact location on Google maps first. He realises the facility is huge, but he is happy to see that there is only one emergency driveway that serves all the buildings. He walks the long path leading to the centre of them all, and is glad when he sees more signs forbidding permanent stay with any vehicle.

  
He reaches the entrance and an older man looks up from his screen, and Wonshik automatically walks up to his counter. He looks uninterested and bored.

 

“Hello, I wanted to uhm, see Taekwoon? Could you tell me where I can find him?”

“What’s your name?”

“Kim Wonshik.”

The man looks down next to his screen and picks up a notebook, looks up something.

Wonshik looks around and there is a waiting area nearby. A young girl holds her swollen arm in front of her and her face is red from crying. A man that is obviously her father pats her head and tries to calm her down, and then the man addresses Wonshik again.

“Sorry, your name is not on the list.”

“Oh.”

Wonshik considers for a short time. What if what Hakyeon said was actually a prank of some sort? But then he remembers the telephone number.

“Let me just make a call real quick.”

“Hm,” the man murmurs.

He fishes the phone out of his pocket and leaves the building, searching the sole emoji in his contact list.

He finds the heart and presses call.

  
There is a calling sound and just before he wants to hang up, irritated, Hakyeon picks up.

 

“Hello?”  
  
“Hakyeon?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
  
Except it’s not Hakyeon.

“Oh- I’m- Sorry, I thought this was Hakyeon?”  
  
“Hakyeon? Oh. _Oh_.”

It’s Taekwoon?  
  
  
“Is this… Is this Taekwoon?”

Wonshik swallows.  
  
“…Yes. And who are you?”

“My name is Wonshik.”  
  
“… Wonshik? Kim Wonshik?”

“Yes.”  
  
There is a short moment of silence.  
  
“Where are you?”  
  
“I’m at the emergency driveway. The reception.”  
  
“…Hang on.”  
  
Then, the line is dead.

Wonshik enters the building again and the man behind the counter looks up again, but doesn’t ask him anything.

  
Not even a minute later the tall man appears around the corner, wearing similar clothing to what Wonshik saw him wear the last time. White sneakers and pants, and then a white shirt with neon orange applications, a red cross. The man’s face lights up a little when he spots Wonshik, and Wonshik stiffens.

_  
Taekwoon is not them._

_Taekwoon is not them._

_Taekwoon is not them!_

  
“Wonshik.” Taekwoon greets him.

  
“Hi, Uhm-“

  
Taekwoon looks over to the man behind the counter and the man rolls his eyes, unnecessarily, and then he nods.

Taekwoon turns his attention to Wonshik again.

  
“Would you like a coffee?” Taekwoon asks him, and Wonshik nods yes.

  
“Let’s fetch some from the cafeteria then.”

 

  
-

 

 

They sit there at the platforms, feet dangling down. Wonshik eyes the ambulances lined up in front of them, and he takes a sip out if his cup of sweet vanilla latte. He feared the sweetness would be overwhelming, but he is glad that he trusted Taekwoon’s recommendation. Other paramedics sit nearby, laugh while chatting with each other.

“It’s… It’s good.” Wonshik says brilliantly.

“It’s my favourite.”

Wonshik dares to look in Taekwoon’s direction, and he is smiling at him.

He looks away instantly.

_  
Taekwoon is not them._

_Taekwoon is not them._

His hands stiffen on his paper-cup.

“I… I am assuming Hakyeon gave you my number?”  
  
Wonshik doesn’t look up from his cup.

“I thought it was his number. He saved it in my phone.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
Wonshik sees out the corner of his eye that Taekwoon fumbles with the lid of his cup.

  
“What did he tell you?”  
  
Wonshik doesn’t know what to say. What did Hakyeon tell him?

  
“He just said that you told him about me.”  
  
Taekwoon sighs.

“Ok.”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
This is as awkward as Wonshik imagined. But he starts calming down. Taekwoon’s skin on his hand looks light but not as translucent as he remembered. And if he actually looked up and mustered him properly he would surely think the same about his face.

  
“What did you see?”  
  
Wonshik chews on his lip.

  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“When… When you woke up… When you saw my face… You looked so terrified. As if you saw a ghost.”  
  
Wonshik can’t hold back a weak smile. This sounds pretty much like it.

 “It felt like I did.”  
  
Taekwoon drinks some of his coffee, savours the taste in his mouth.

“I’ve been doing this work for 4 years… It’s my first encounter of that nature… I… I couldn’t forget about it. About you. And I am not allowed to contact patients. I was worried…”  
  
Wonshik feels sadness tug at his heart. He hadn’t considered that this incident might have had an effect on Taekwoon, too.

“I’m sorry. I… I _was_ terrified.”  
  
He still is terrified.  
  
“But it was not your fault.”  
  
This at least, is true.  
  
Taekwoon doesn’t respond.

“Truth is, I wanted to see you to get over this. It still affects me.”  
  
“Is this why you can’t look at my face?”  
  
Wonshik knows this is the weirdest conversation he's ever had with anyone. But Taekwoon is surprisingly easy to talk to.

And understanding.

“Yes.”  
  
Taekwoon hesitates to ask.  
  
“What do I remind you of?”  
  
“Please, don’t laugh.”  
  
“I won’t.”  
  
Wonshik exhales, anxiously.

“I promise.”  
  
Wonshik takes a sip of his late, swallows nervously.  
  
“I think, I was dead for a moment.”  
  
Taekwoon hums, encourages Wonshik to continue.

“And,”  
  
Taekwoon doesn’t interrupt.

“And…”  
  
Wonshik sees that his hands are trembling. He starts inhaling unevenly. This is not good.

They are there again.  
  
He sees the deity’s silhouette again.

_  
‘I’m sorry my kin’_

  
The sea of tears resurfaces around him, the pastel sky that turns black. The broth wraps around his ankles.  
  


“I…”

  
His vision narrows down to his hands, and he feels a cold sweat forming on his skin. The deity's lips on his mouth take away his breath.

  
_‘Now, vanish.’_

  
Taekwoon puts his hand on top of Wonshik’s.

“You don’t need to tell me.”  
  
Wonshik can’t stop the trembling.  
  
“Wonshik, look at me.”

He stays frozen on the spot, tries to calm down.

  
_Taekwoon is not them, Taekwoon is not them, Taekwoon is not them!_

  
Taekwoon puts down his cup of coffee and hops off the platform, down so that he stands in front of Wonshik.

“Wonshik, look at me, you are close to hyperventilating.”  
  
Taekwoon takes Wonshik’s cup and replaces it with his hands, gives Wonshik a squeeze.  
  
“Wonshik, it’s just me. Look.”

Wonshik shuts his eyes, tries to breathe.  
  
The man in front of him is Taekwoon. His hands are warm and real, bound to here and now. It feels human. He is human.  
  
He slowly starts coming back to himself.  
  
  
“Wonshik?”

_  
Taekwoon is not them._

  
“Wonshik.”  
  
  
_Taekwoon is not them!_

  
Wonshik opens his eyes, and then he sees Taekwoon’s face properly, for the first time in 5 months.

 

It’s like time just stops.

 

Taekwoon is not them.

 

The man in front of him has his hair pulled back in messy ponytail, with some free strains of hair framing his face. He has bangs of some sort, and he looks as concerned as last time. His face is gentle and his lips are open, ready to call out his name again, shaped beautifully.

There is a cute mole beneath his right eye, and god, his eyes. They are the biggest proof that Taekwoon is flesh and bones. They are a rich brown, warm and breath-taking for all the right reasons, and Wonshik’s heart gets flooded with a feeling of comfort, the fear changing and transforming into something else. They are beautiful and feline, suiting Taekwoon so well, and he knows he looks into the face of a man, of a _human_.  
  
He is beautiful. Taekwoon is beautiful, adorably so, and suddenly all the anguish he has gone through for the past few months because of this seem idiotic, absolute pointless. All this time he was tortured over nothing. This man is just a man.

 _They_ didn’t follow him to haunt him. _They_ are far away. Their silhouette gets blurry at the edges, and suddenly Wonshik is not sure if the black sea was not a deep blue instead. Then the silhouette is gone entirely, and a new ocean lies beneath him, a beautiful turquoise that smells like salt and feels like Taekwoon’s hand feels on his.  
  


Taekwoon is not them.

 

The relief washes over him and Wonshik starts tearing up.  
  
  


 

“You… you are not them.”

**Author's Note:**

> How 'bout these notions  
> They're deep as ocean  
> Calling out my name  
> Screaming out in vain  
> Singing hallelujah
> 
> Tash Sultana - Notion 
> 
> [-yt-](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbAuwBvOGNU)


End file.
